Sometimes I really want to smack your face so hard and I wish of doing that today so I will feel better.
Sometimes I really hate you and really want to lock you up in a room for 74382847329 days so you would die out of hunger or dehydration.
But sometimes you are the sweetest guy on earth.
I'm the only one in this one sided love hate relationship between us. I think it's a two sided hate relationship between us right now because you don't love me anyway and ever since that argument we haven't been talking like before and I don think we will ever talk like before ever again.
I thought things got better today but I don't know why halfway throughout the day it became like this again.
Ugh sometimes I tend to say things without thinking through.
I'm pretty sure if the two of us were locked up in a room together you'd take care of me like how I'd take care of you. But I can't guarantee I won't kill you first. Because you might make me so mad I will blow my top.
Sometimes I think maybe the problem of avoiding lies within me because I always avoid someone when something serious happens. I try to pretend that it's ok and that I'm not affected by it but in truth I really am.
Wow, after ranting here I realized that I didn't know how the fuck I fell in love with you in the first place. Ya la you took good care of me. You played jokes on me. You made my day every single day when I see you and the first thing you always do when you see me is to insult me which by the way I enjoyed a lot. But now it's like we are strangers or we just met or we are just colleagues.
I have no guts to look at you in the face. I don't know if it's because you know that I like you now so you aren't talking to me like before. Or is it because I really pissed you off that badly that you decided you wouldn't talk to me anymore.
Being the stubborn Aries we both are, I'm sure you wouldn't talk to me about this first and I wouldn't talk to you about this first. We didn't even discuss about our first argument months ago because I didn't dare to bring it up anymore and I think you just can't be bothered.
I'm not someone who will admit to her mistakes easily, even more so if we are just friends. Yes you are an important part in my life but I wish I was important in your life too. I don't want to be just friends with you. I want to be something more, but not like friends with benefits or not being my boyfriend or anything. I just want you to stay as my good friend throughout my life. But I think this friendship wouldn't last as well. I think __ was right about you not being a good friend and not even being a good colleague.
Will we ever find ourselves back into the friendship we both had? No I doubt it. But I really hope things wouldn't stay this way because it really affects the working environment or at least it affects my working attitude by a lot because now I feel like skipping work all over again like I did to school and internship.
One of the reasons why I'm still working at this shit place with this shit pay is because of the happy environment I'm in. People call me stupid and dumb for still staying at this place and wasting my time and I always hated them looking down at me working here because of everyone here. This environment is something I have never gotten when I was in internship or in school. But now just because of you I'm beginning to really hate coming to work everyday.
Please make me feel better and treat me like how you used to again. And I just wanna say, thank you and sorry for everything I've done to make you feel bad around me.
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