Who am i kidding?

Who am I kidding guys?
Who am I really to everyone?

What happened to "dont let someone take advantage of you"?
What happened to stop blaming people for things others didnt do?

Where am I really heading to in life?
Where do I want to go after this?

When will I ever stop dreaming about something that would never ever happen?
When will I really get to see what the world is really like?

How do I want to achieve the goals that I have set for the future?
How do I want to run my life?

Why am I still living in this small world where I always feel that everything will be perfect once things go my way?
Why cant I fight for the life I really want?

Only I can answer all these questions and I have the most perfect answer ever here:

I'm a fucking coward.

Thats what I really am.
I'm afraid of what others have in store for me.
I'm afraid of the goals people have set for me and expect me to achieve.
I'm afraid of what he'll think of me once he knows that I've been crushing on him all the way since February.

And what I'm really afraid of now is that I cant even face him anymore...

I'm so lonely right now.
So what if I have many friends?
How many are actually there when I need help?

I've been lonely for way too long now.