Divorce? :/ .

My sister and I were discussing about whether my mom and dad would get a divorce or not just now when my mom went to the toilet after dinner.

The truth is : i dont really wish for my parents to divorce because i dont wanna feel so guilty inside.

Yes, i know i havent been treating my father like my father for the past few months after our quarrel.

I dont want things to still be the same..

I wanted so bad last time for my parents to divorce, but now that i've grown up, i dont feel the same anymore...

I just wanna be with my mom and dad and sister, like how a happy family should be like.

I dont wish for more than that.

Even if we were poor, i would want all of us to be poor together.

My dad aint the most perfect dad you can find in this world, but he's still a great father.

He wasnt the first person i called when i got my PSLE and O level results.

But he was the one who told me i have already done my best and i did a good job.

He even gave me the phone that he was using because i really liked it after i got my PSLE results and got himself a lousy phone instead.

My dad stopped education at Sec 2 to help his family you see, and he feels that achieving 204 in PSLE is a wonderful thing and he wants to celebrate it.

I still remember his smile when he told me I did a great job.

His eyes were shining like he was really proud of me.

He didnt do the same to my sister when she got her results.

He didnt do much when I got my O levels though.

Maybe because i've grown up.

But on the day i was going to get my O level results, he went out super early just to get me my new iphone 4.

But the results didnt came out as perfect as it was supposed to be.

I remember there was once,

I woke up to my mom and dad quarreling.

I cried because I was scared.

I saw my sister crying from the other room too,

then she ran into my room when my mom and dad werent noticing.

Then my sister told me that she heard my mom and dad talking about divorce, but my dad just stood up and left.

My mom came into my room and comforted me.

I cried.

Awhile later, my dad came in, talked to me and i cried even harder at what he said.

Normally, my dad would comfort and talk to me whenever i quarreled with my mom.

He would tell me i was wrong, asked me apologise to her, let her calm down and all.

This year, i really blew it.

I deepened the 'hatred' everyone in this household had for my dad.

Because of one quarrel, EVERYTHING changed.

I regret pushing him.

I regret hitting him.

I regret shouting at him.

I wanna get my karma for it.

Im so unappreciative of the things he has done for me, the love he has showered on me.

I understand him because he is my dad and he is just like me.

I dont know how to face him because he's just as stubborn and as ignorant as me and I know he wont listen to me at all.

I dont hate my dad.

I love my dad.

You must be wondering, why am i posting about only my dad?

Because my mom has done so much for me.

Too much that it would take years to post it up.

I really hope one day i would pluck up all my courage and tell my parents everything.